Day five: Friday, December 15, 2006. Some good news, some not so good, but the day went on. Again, my deepest appreciation and thanks to those who have called and given me such loving support. You are making this a little less surreal for me. I won't forget you.
My request to be granted a "waiver" from the transportation agreement was granted today. The memo said something about "it is in the best interests of the government..." Man, those words cut -- like I'm a threat to the good of the country or something. It just hurts.
I organized my personal belongings in the classroom tonight. Thank you so much to the students who volunteered to stay after school and help me. Your generosity is a sign of good things to come in this world.
I did hear some disturbing news today and since the word is going around, I want to set my side of the record straight. And of course, it's all about the cheerleading thing again. Rumor has it that I told a student she was too fat to be on the cheerleading team. That would have been a cruel thing to say, and rather hypocritical as well since I am no stick figure. In fact, a student said something like that about herself in reference to being on the team. What I said was words to the effect of: "I don't care -- come be on the team."
Now, as I read what I have just written I realize I cannot let my experience, brief as it was, as the cheerleading coach, color my view of my time at Vilseck High School. I will not bring up the subject again, nor will I respond to any more rumors about the cheer team. The girls on the team are in need of support too. We all have bigger responsibilities in life and I want to remember and focus on the meaningful connections I made with the people here. That is what is important and what will sustain me through the unknown that is ahead of me. People keep asking me what I'm going to do and how I'm doing. There are no nice answers there. I don't know what I'm going to do. And how am I doing? Well, there's the good ol' American underdog spirit-spark somewhere that wants to believe everything is going to be OK -- turn out for the best -- yada yada yada... but the truth is I pendulum between grief and sort of being in a fog -- not quite sure this really happened.
My dogs will be headed to the states next week. I am very lucky to have had my sister and a friend out visiting me when the Hammer dropped (so to speak!) and they will take the dogs back with them. That will be a big relief. The baby Border Collies have homes -- except for one.
I am packing up a lot of 220V appliances and power tools tomorrow. It's all for sale if someone needs something, let me know and I'll get you a picture and a price. To those who have mentioned they'll be available to help... my sister is cooking up sourdough pancakes just for you! If you can be here around 10 a.m. we'll get cracking. I hear the basketball team has a game tomorrow night too. Good luck to all and Go Falcons!
Day four: Thursday, December 14, 2006. Some efforts are being made at getting me travel orders now -- at least then I'll be able to get packed out and not be stuck in Germany with a house full and no money. Instead I'll have my household goods in a warehouse for 90 days. I'd better come up with a plan before then.
It seems like there is no end to the humiliation heaped on me when it comes to trying to get the things done I've been directed to do. And ya' know, that just seems wrong. Why should I have to take orders from Mr. Sennett and Mr. Werner at this point? But, on the other hand, I have to make my life worth living and keep ahead of the crap they are laying down like IEDs on the road to Baghdad.
Today I had to write a letter "requesting a waiver" to my transportation agreement. I had to initiate my own return to the US request. I don't want to return to the US. I want to stay here! Writing that request felt like I was standing on the gallows with the rope around my neck and then I'm told that I have to pull to trap door release! Well, what if I don't pull the trap door release -- after all, who wants to be hung? Not even John Proctor! But, if I didn't write the letter I wouldn't get any travel orders. Without orders I sit here in a house I can't afford, in a country where I have no rights, and without a job or penny to my name. Still, if you want to mirror my experience, go tell your parents to spank you for getting an A on your report card. That makes a lot of sense huh?
There was a moment of funny irony though. As I looked back at the email Mr. Sennett sent me informing me of the meeting on Monday morning where he planned on firing me, I noticed that he made a typo error. he wrote that we were to meet "today, December 12...." Well, Monday was December 11th, not the 12th. Do you think any thing might have turned out differently if I had skipped the meeting and waited till Tuesday? Do you think he can be fired for the typo?
I want to talk about the cheerleading accusations. This could get a little boring and technical but...
First, the contract to coach cheerleading is an "extra duty contract." It has nothing to do with my being a teacher. In fact, had I not applied for the job, it might well have eventually been opened to a member of the community, a parent or a soldier.... So let's say for a moment that I was screaming curses at the cheerleaders like a drunken sailor -- that's not part of my teaching job. Why use that as a basis for firing me? By the way, I did not act in an abusive manner to the girls. That is the hallucinitory assertion of a woman whose own cheerleading dreams were evidently left somehow unfullfilled.
Second, regardless of the accusations, in the meeting where Mr. Sennett and Mr. Werner accused me of the abuses, Mr. Sennett also agreed that the position of Cheerleading coach was outside of my teaching responsibilities. He also said that since I never signed the contract I was not actually the coach -- so how can I be responsible for the team in the first place -- if I wasn't their coach? Confused? I am. But then that's what happens when the administration makes broad and contradictory statements. By the way, I put in 75 hours of "volunteer time" with the Cheerleading squad. If I was the coach then I'd like to be paid for that time. If I wasn't the coach I'd like to stop being blamed for being a negligent one.
Third, the termination letter talks about me being out shopping for hours at a time. I did indeed go shopping, but big as the Vogelway BX is, in comparison to Vilseck's, I would still be hard-pressed to spend hours there. A parent -- Mrs. Owens -- stated she saw me at the BX. Well, I'm sure she did, because I was there -- just not for hours! The implication is that while I was away "shopping for two hours" the cheer team was left unsupervised. Not so. The parent driving the students who left school at lunch, was still there with the team. If she was an unsuitably responsible person to "watch over" the team in my absence, why was she allowed to check 7 or 8 students out of school at noon and drive 4 hours down the road with them, while I was still at school conducting my afternoon classes? See, it doesn't quite make sense. Either she is a responsible adult, and then it seems like I ought to be able to step out to the BX with her left in charge, or she's not a responsible adult and then the school is negligent for releasing the students to her.
Fourth -- the nap thing. For the record -- and this is what I told Mr. Sennett and Mr. Werner way back in September -- I taught all of my classes on the Friday the cheer clinic started. Then I drove four hours down the road to K-town with four students in my car. I slept on the floor of a gym with about 200 (?) girls. That means silence fell and sleep came around 1 a.m. Then we all woke up about 7 a.m. and had a full day of cheer clinic -- yes, cheer clinic is physical -- then we did the 1 a.m. thing again. And we did the 7 a.m. wake up again, and another full day of cheer clinic. I did go out to my car hoping to take a nap. I actually tried to sleep, but it was way too hot in the car and as the sweat poured out of me for my 15 or 20 minutes worth of effort, I realized nappy-time was a no-go. And I worried about how I was going to drive home without falling asleep. On top of that there was a parent calling worried that we would be driving at night and he didn't want his daughter in a car driving at night. I don't want to make assumptions about what he meant by that, but by golly, I guess he should have been worried about sleep-deprived drivers!
That's all I have the heart for tonight. It kind of sickens me to have to re-live all that crap.
To the students who have called -- again, thank you so much. Your support and encouragement reminds me that I didn't waste my time here. There are many fine and caring souls among you. I hope I can claim to have had something to do with your courage to act in the face of the bullies who are trying to run the world their way.
OK, one more thing, I hear one of the students made some really stupid decisions about endangering her life over-dosing on an ugly mix of alcohol and drugs. Take care of each other. We only get one shot at living this life right. Good job to the kids who got her the help that probably saved her life.
Day three of shell shock since Mr. Sennett dropped his "you're fired" bomb. My best guess is that Mr. Werner has a friend in Wurzberg who faces excessing after this school year. I'd bet money my replacement comes from there.
Today I was placed on administrative leave. The reason Mr. Sennett listed in his email to me was so that I could continue with out-processing from the post. That might seem to have been a courteous thing for him to do, except that I have no travel orders and without travel orders I can do nothing -- or just about nothing -- to out-process.
I cannot schedule movers to pack out my house -- but I am suppose to have it packed out by next Friday. And my housing allowance stops then so I can't pay my rent.
I cannot book airplane tickets to the states -- but I will have to turn in my ID card next Friday and so cannot stay on post.
I cannot arrange to ship my car -- but I have no access to buy gas on post after next Friday. I guess I can sleep in it?
I will not have a paycheck after this Friday, but I will still need to eat.
I have no home in the US. I planned on making a long and happy career out here. I thought I was doing that. So I don't even know where I would book tickets to fly back to the US and land.... Takes being "homeless" to a whole new level.
I am pretty darn depressed. Then I looked at the guest book on my web site. Wow, it was so good to see the names of people who took time out of their lives to think of me. Sometimes it is hard to remember that you never know who you have touched in ways that will repay your act of love or kindness, thoughtfullness. It helps me remember I am not alone in this world. Thank you.
But why would someone take the time out of their life just to say the kind of crap a couple people did? Ok, you --who don't have the guts to sign your name -- you don't mind saying you hate me and you're glad I was fired. Really? You are glad I have bills I won't be able to pay? A child I won't be able to support? He is as afraid as I am of what our future looks like -- that's what makes you happy? You are glad I won't have a place to sleep on Friday night? You're glad I have a really rough time ahead of me? Would you be more or less happy if I was dead? Would I have deserved that too? Think just a moment to Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" -- it is nearly Christmas you know. Where will I spend it? I don't know. I guess I shouldn't come knocking on your door.
I deleted your comments. Not because I need to "spin" the information on my web site -- though that is certainly within my rights as owner of the site, but because I don't need and certainly don't want your hatred right now. There is no place for anger in my life and I won't take on yours. Please, leave me alone.
I need some help this weekend if anyone can spare energy and a vehicle. I need to move a lot of 220 stuff out of my house and into a friend's house -- she has generously offered to store the stuff until I can arrange to sell it all. There are power tools, bicycles, transformers, three microwaves, some dog fences. Anyway, if you can help on Saturday morning, December 16th, please email or call me. My cell is 0171 366 9362.
More tomorrow.
Storey
the never ending...
